Special interests and hobbies are vital for the fulfillment of neurodivergent women over 45. Why, my story, and how to make time for them.
The story.
Could the day get any worse?
As a fifty-four-year-old woman, I knew that was a dangerous question. But my mood was as foul as it could be and I didn’t care.
I glanced at the clock. Heaved a sigh. According to my schedule, I was supposed to be practicing the keyboard. But what was the point? I was never going to get good enough to just sit down and sight-read a piece right off the bat. Nobody cared about my mind-numbingly slow improvement on the instrument.
Because they’d never hear me.
But I didn’t feel like writing, and beyond that, had nothing else to do.
Another sigh blew out of my mouth as I set everything up, sat down, and began working on one of the pieces I’d already memorized. As predicted, my fingers stumbled over notes they should have known. With my headphones plugged in, it didn’t matter, and I just kept going.
I finished that song. Practiced sight-reading with another. It didn’t go nearly as pathetically as I thought it would.
Then I played another memorized piece. Okay. A little better than the first.
The dark cloud hanging over my head began to dissipate.
I began another song. Though my fingers still stumbled and my mind was foggy, the fact that I was producing the music pumping into my ears brought on a profound feeling of satisfaction.
I played for ten more minutes, the muscles in my back and shoulders gradually relaxing. When my sluggish brain refused to do any more, I disconnected the equipment and put it all away.
But the notes continued to resonate through me. I had produced something, if not perfect, then lovely. Comforting.
And I no longer felt like blaming the sky for my horrible life.
Want a truly fulfilled life? Prioritize your special interests and hobbies!
Autistic special interests aren’t the same as hobbies, but I’ve briefly described each in my article about neurodivergent women living fulfilled lives so I won’t repeat myself. Suffice to say that in the life of a forty-five-plus-years-old neurodivergent woman, they’re a vital part of a meaningful and purpose-filled life.
Following are the main reasons.
1. Comfort and predictability.
These benefits are typically attributed to autistic special interests. However, hobbies bring comfort and predictability as well.
After fighting depression all morning, an older neurodivergent woman can find as much comfort from creating a holiday craft as from a hug from an old friend. And for autistic menopausal women without some big, time-consuming special interest, carving out a specific time each day to dedicate to her hobbies brings the calming structure she needs.
2: Stress release.
In a similar way, working on special interests or hobbies acts as a stress releaser. We over-45 neurodivergent women deal with not only sensory and social stresses, but the extra stress that comes with having lower levels of estrogen and therefore lower levels of the brain’s “feel-good” neurotransmitters.
Engaging in an activity for the sheer love and joy of it helps with nervous system and emotional regulation. It also encourages the productions of those wayfaring neurotransmitters.
3: Joy.
I’ll admit: sometimes, I sit down at my keyboard and my brain and fingers refuse to coordinate. I get frustrated, give up early, and pout for the next couple of hours.
Most of the time, however, engaging in one of my hobbies has an end result similar to what I described in the introductory story. My mood lifts. My joy returns.
I can see clearly now; the rain is gone.
There’s just something about the act of creating or working on a project you love that fills your soul like a jar overflowing with warm honey.
4: Motivation.
If you’re like me, you experience a lot of days – or parts of days – when your brain is so lethargic or your energy is so low that you can’t get yourself to care about anything. You may not feel like touching your special interest or hobbies with a ten-foot pole.
But routine and a need to do something drives you to it. And after working on it for a while, even a short while, your desire to engage in life returns. Your brain might still feel like it’s filled with cobwebs, but you’re okay with that. You simply determine to move slowly and take each moment as it comes.
In short, for neurodivergent women over 45, special interests and hobbies help to balance out all the crap our bodies and brains are making us feel.
They change our lives.
Well. Let me speak for myself. Every day I engage with them and reap the benefits, I feel better about myself, my husband, my son, my house, where I live, the world, life itself.
And the comfort, joy, and motivation they bring are having a cumulative effect.
That’s because I’m more or less consistent with them. I make time for them.
How to make time for your hobbies or special interests.
If you’re struggling to make time for your special interests and hobbies, here are a few ideas to try.
- Allocate fifteen minutes a day for them. A great time is during the hour or two before bed, when most of your other work for the day is finished.
- Stop doomscrolling. Quitting “cold turkey” will work best.
- Unless your special interest or hobby requires the computer, don’t turn it on until you’ve spent at least fifteen minutes engaged in that interest or hobby.
- Learn to simplify meal prep.
- One day a week, brainstorm all the errands you’ll need to run within the next seven days. Choose one day to get them done and note it in your Home Command Center so you remember to stick to the plan.
- Get enough sleep. I know it’s easier said than done, but do your best. If you’re “too tired to do anything” all the time, your special interests and hobbies will take a back seat to vegging in front of a screen.
Any or all of the above will open up more minutes in most of your days. Use those minutes to indulge in your favorite creative, brain-building, or physical health-building activities.
Hobbies: they’re not just a time filler!
I hope I’ve convinced you that autistic special interests, as well as hobbies, are anything but time fillers for us neurodivergent, menopausal women. Making the time to dive into them can be a game changer.
They can be a life-changer.
Because they bring fulfillment when we possibly thought we’d never feel it again.
