Perimenopause sleep problems and postmenopausal insomnia afflict many women, and are worse for those of us who are neurodivergent. Discover 10 rituals that work to give you more Z’s.
The story.
Argh. I felt like I needed to run up the neighboring mountain and back down a few times. Why did I have to get so restless an hour before bed? This afternoon, I was so sleepy, but now…
With a sigh, I collected my coloring book and markers and set them on the table. Then I grabbed my phone and navigated to YouTube where I clicked on a relaxing music video. I put my headphones on, pressed the play button, and selected a marker.
At first, the marker scribbled inside the lines with the fierceness of a hungry bear. I concentrated on keeping the color inside the lines, making sure there were no white spaces left.
The music seeped into my eardrums, then seemed to saturate my entire brain. As it continued playing, it felt as though the sound waves permeated my entire body, gently pulsating to every single nerve ending.
Gradually, the nerves calmed. My muscles relaxed. The fierce scribbling became gentle, meditative movements.
The coloring session lasted no longer than fifteen minutes, but by the end of it, I felt sleepy and relaxed.
And I had no trouble falling asleep thirty minutes later when I went to bed.
What causes perimenopausal insomnia and postmenopausal insomnia?
Insomnia in women older than forty usually comes from one of two places. First, it can be a direct result of dropping levels of estrogen. Since estrogen plays a significant role in the function of a woman’s nervous system, lower levels of the hormone can lead to restlessness.
Estrogen also helps to regulate the stress/energy hormone cortisol. During a woman’s childbearing years, estrogen helps give the signal at the end of the day for the body to back off on cortisol production. It also facilitates the increase in cortisol in the morning, after we wake up.
So when estrogen levels fall, the body often fails to turn off the cortisol at night and turn it back on in the morning.
The second cause of menopausal insomnia also has to do with estrogen, only indirectly. Low levels of estrogen as well as progesterone lead to hot flashes, night sweats, and anxiety. If you’ve ever awakened in the middle of the night soaking wet, or feeling as if the sky was about to come crashing down on you, you know the near impossibility of getting back to sleep once either scenario happens.
Difficulty with sleep is frustrating enough for the neurotypical woman. For the neurodivergent women, it can be even more distressing and disabling.
Why menopause insomnia hits neurodivergent women harder.
Autism and menopause, ADHD and menopause… neither one is a fun combination. We neurodivergent women come to our forties and fifties with nervous system dysregulation, thanks to our brain’s limited ability to filter. When we lose the estrogen buffer that has been helping us feel sort of normal, our nervous systems can feel like they’re falling apart.
Menopause impacts our already-touchy neurodivergent processing, causing increased trouble with concentration, sensory sensitivities, memory dropout, brain fog, and communication. So we end up with even greater stress by the end of the day, which can exacerbate our trouble with getting to sleep or awakening in the middle of the night and not being able to fall back into a slumber.
“Wait! I’m neurotypical and I have those problems!”
So there’s this thing called transient neurodiversity. That’s when a person isn’t born with a neurodivergent brain, but certain conditions cause your brain to act like it is. At least on occasion.
Neurotypical women over 45, welcome to our world. Sit down and make yourself comfortable; it’s going to be a long and interesting ride.
Since we’re all in this together now, I’m going to continue on as though everyone who lands here is experiencing some kind of neurodiversity, whether lifelong or menopause-induced. The good news for all of us is that research shows that sleep rituals have been shown to improve sleep quality.
Menopause sleep rituals: the first steps.
As neurodivergent individuals, we need sensory-friendly approaches to a menopause bedtime routine. And as we struggle with internal sleep signals, external routines are especially important to form sleep cues.
So our first step is to take into consideration our sensory needs. Our home must be a comfortable temperature, as well as relatively quiet. If certain textures or aromas help us feel safe and calm, we should integrate them into our quiet rituals as much as possible.
The perfect menopause bedtime routine: quiet rituals.
Now that you understand the whys as well as how to begin, let’s get into neurodivergent sleep strategies.
Quiet evening ritual #1: Comfy journaling.
Sit in a comfortable chair with your favorite afghan or blanket, along with a journal and pen, and write. This is an especially helpful ADHD bedtime ritual. If your thoughts are racing close to the time you want to go to sleep, sit down and write them down.
You might think that you’ll never get to bed if you do that. However, I find that when my thoughts are racing, the thoughts are limited to a dozen or so, and they’re just repeating themselves over and over with slight variations.
For many women, these thoughts revolve around things they want to get done the next day. Once they write them down, their minds calm because they have a to-do list on paper and no longer have to worry about forgetting a task.
Some women are ruminating over urgent conversations they need to have. Writing about it helps to sort out things like when to have the conversation and important details they want to bring up.
In essence, getting your thoughts out of your head and onto paper clears your mind for a better night’s sleep.
If you’re dealing with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, here’s a printable specifically geared toward working through your thoughts and emotions. If you’re struggling with decision fatigue, this worksheet helps you do the appropriate brain dump.
Quiet evening ritual #2: A hot calming drink and relaxing read.
For this one, fix your favorite non-caffeinated hot drink, sit down with a relaxing book, and read and sip your way to sleepy-time.
Studies have shown that drinking adaptogenic teas with chamomile and lavender can facilitate better sleep. If you’re having a particularly hard time with menopause insomnia and you haven’t tried this combination, you might want to.
The caveat for this ritual? Some of us don’t like to consume liquid close to bedtime because three hours later, our bladders wake us up, defeating the purpose.
Good thing I have eight more bedtime rituals to share.
Quiet evening ritual #3: Gentle stretching and relaxing music.
This makes a perfect part of an ADHD bedtime routine, because it helps to relax both restless muscles and restless minds. As you stretch, move slowly and deliberately, and focus on the music.
Quiet evening ritual #4: Progressive muscle relaxation and a podcast.
For this one, put on a “bedtime” podcast. Sit in a comfortable chair and, while it plays, gently tense then relax each muscle of your body that you can. Start with your toes and work your way up. Don’t forget your hand and arm muscles.
As you release the tension in your muscles, you also release pent-up stress. For many people, this resolves bedtime restlessness.
Quiet evening ritual #5: Breathe and listen.
For this one, you play either a relaxing podcast or relaxing music. For five to ten minutes, take long, deep belly breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth.
Quiet evening ritual #6: Draw/color with relaxing music.
Deep breathing and muscle relaxation are well and good if they works for you. To me, they’re boring. They make me more restless.
Enter Zendoodling and coloring books.
Zendoodling is the process of creating repetitive designs in small spaces. And making your own zendoodle designs is simple once you get the hang of it.
Then there are coloring books geared toward older children and adults, specifically to reduce anxiety and induce relaxation.
Find your favorite relaxing instrumental music channel on YouTube, grab your markers or ballpoint pen, then sit down and let the music and motion of your hands bring your brain into the “sleep zone.”
Quiet evening ritual #7: Warm bath and a vanilla candle.
Did you know that the scent of vanilla acts as a sedative? So, run a warm bath, light a vanilla-scented candle and set it on the edge of the tub, and sink yourself down into the soothing water. If you tend toward a restless mind, play calming music or a calming podcast in the background. Just don’t let yourself go to sleep!
Quiet evening ritual #8: Together with tea.
Sometimes, spending some quiet time near loved ones is just the thing to calm your nerves and your spinning mind. If you don’t live alone, one of the other members of your household might enjoy putting together a jigsaw puzzle with you or playing a simple card game. Or maybe you just sit next to each other on the sofa, reading your own books.
Whichever one you choose, enjoy a cup of herbal tea and either quiet conversation or companionable silence.
Quiet evening ritual #9: Classical music and coffee table books.
This one is a great part of an easy, low-key menopause bedtime routine. Turn on calming classical music. Then, sit in your favorite chair and slowly flip through a coffee table book filled with beautiful photos. It might be a book on flower gardening, or interior decorating, or beautiful scenes from around the world.
If you’re a Christian, you might enjoy one of the light devotional books I created, this one or this one.
Quiet evening ritual #10: Cuddle and stim.
Stimming, short for self-stimulation, refers to behaviors that help neurodivergent people keep their nervous systems in balance. Common stims include rocking, swaying while standing, twirling in place, and flapping hands. They can also be less noticeable, such as wringing hands or playing with a fidget toy.
For this ritual, find the softest stuffed animal you have, then squeeze it and stroke it while you engage in your favorite stim. Playing relaxing instrumental music in the background will enhance your relaxation.
Say good-bye to menopause insomnia… or some of it.
Though my name is Emily, I’m going to be frank for a minute: most nights, I consider myself blessed if I get over six hours of sleep. The reason is that I have to get up to pee a couple of hours before wake-up time, and even though I’m sleepy when I get back into bed, I have a hard time getting back to sleep.
If we lived in a bigger house, I could get up and walk slowly around the living room while listening to relaxing music until I got tired again. But that’s not my current reality, so I do the best I can.
However, as I illustrated in the introductory story, engaging in a quiet evening ritual does help to calm both restlessness of mind and body. It helps to alleviate the stresses of the day.
If you can quiet your mind and calm your body long enough so that you can fall asleep within minutes of your head hitting the pillow, half your menopause insomnia battle is won.
What rituals help you to fall asleep at night? Any tips for those of us who wake up in the wee smalls and can’t go back to sleep? Talk to us in the comments, please!
In the meantime, may you have a deep, sweet slumber tonight.
