Postmenopausal fatigue and midlife burnout deteriorate a midlife woman’s quality of life. Relearn how to rest after 50 by respecting your body’s new rhythms.
The story.
Stretching, I pushed myself into a sitting position, then looked at the watch next to me. Eight minutes. Not bad for a midday nap.
I’d desperately needed it. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to do one more thing unless I lay down for a few minutes.
As I got out of bed and started doing light housework, I felt much more energetic than I had before the nap. Great! I might even be able to get some more writing done this afternoon.
The feeling lasted about an hour. Then, like a meteorite crashing to Earth, the fatigue fell on me again.
And when I went to bed that night, it took me over an hour to get to sleep.
“Why am I so tired after 50?” Understanding postmenopausal fatigue.
Many women over the age of forty-five – especially over fifty – find getting a good night’s sleep to be a challenge. Until I got pregnant at age thirty-five, I would fall asleep within minutes of my head hitting the pillow, wake up around two a.m. just long enough to glance at the time, then go right back to sleep.
I always got at least seven and a half hours, undisturbed except that one brief wake-up.
I never got that rhythm back. It was surely due to the fact that my son didn’t start sleeping through the night until age three, and I never did get used to another person (my husband) being in the bed with me.
And then, perimenopause descended, its sharp claws ready to dig into my skin and hang on for the next ten years.
Perimenopause causes a lot of dipping and soaring of estrogen levels. After menopause, those levels are naturally permanently low. As estrogen is necessary for the perfect functioning of the neurological system, as well as for regulating cortisol levels, this means – barring HRT* – almost certain sleep disturbances for women over the age of fifty.
But hormones aren’t the only culprit for midlife fatigue.
Midlife burnout: another reason women over 45 feel exhausted.
Many women, neurotypical and neurodivergent alike, arrive to their forties with a bad case of burnout. This burnout might be due to overwork for most of her adult life, as well as career disillusionment. It can come from troubles with her close relationships. She might be having marital problems, or has spent several years butting heads with one or more of her children.
Then there is the late-diagnosed autistic women. Having masked her entire life, having constantly tried to play social games without ever knowing the rules, she arrives at midlife exhausted.
Between hormones and the various types of burnout, many women over the age of forty-five have reached a new level of fatigue. And the usual tricks for getting enough rest barely make a dent.
Rest after menopause: what really works.
There’s no doubt about it: if you can figure out how to get at least seven hours of solid sleep every night, you will have tackled half the problem. But sleep is only a small part in resolving burnout. And it won’t change the body’s confusion about when to produce cortisol, the energy hormone.
Many people think of staring at a screen as restful, but is it, really? Most of the time, it’s stimulating your brain. And even if it’s positive stimulation, if you’re already exhausted, any amount of stimulation is going to be too much for your system.
Especially if you’re neurodivergent.
So what kind of “rest” do we need?
Rest that leads to burnout recovery and more energy post-menopause.
Having dealt with both midlife autistic burnout and menopause fatigue, I’ve taken four main steps to get the rest I need.
Notice I didn’t say “sleep,” but “rest.” I’d love to be able to give you a five-point bedtime routine that guarantees eight hours of sound sleep, but I haven’t figured that out yet. What I can do is assure you that getting sufficient rest during the day helps to make up for getting less than optimal sleep. Not totally, but enough so that you don’t feel like you’re constantly running on empty.
Here are the four steps.
#1: Cease frantic activity.
As someone with AuDHD, I’ve found this one to be the most difficult. A continual low-level of anxiety urges me to keep active.
But I’ve found that, contrary to what I believed when I was younger, I can get still for short bursts of time.
If you’re used to always being on the go, this stillness will feel foreign at first. It might even feel suspicious. Because, aren’t we supposed to be “productive?” Aren’t we supposed to help wherever we can?
No. We’re supposed to love our neighbors as we love ourselves, meaning – SHOCK! – we need to love ourselves before we can show that love to anyone else!
And so:
- Quit any volunteering that doesn’t replenish your energy or bring you fulfillment.
- Do your chores with a meditative attitude.
- If financially feasible, cut back on your hours at work, or retire early.
- Stop running from social activity to social activity.
#2: Prioritize.
Figure out what you need and want from life. Not what others say that you need and want.
Keep all activities and plans that support your needs and wants. Ditch the rest.
#3: Truly relax.
Establishing gentle morning and evening routines is a great place to start. Aside from that, experiment with ways that help both mind and body to calm.
- Drink a cup of herbal tea while reading a sweet romance.
- Recline in your favorite chair and listen to a relaxing podcast.
- Play a relaxing instrumental music YouTube channel on your T.V. that includes peaceful scenes. I like Tim Janis. If you’re Christian and enjoy soft guitar, you’ll love Josh Snodgrass.
- Meditate for five to ten minutes several times a day.
The first three steps culminate in the fourth:
#4: Slow your life down.
This step is not so much an action as a paradigm shift. You can stop volunteering; vacuum the floor at the speed of a snail; and listen to quiet, orchestral chamber music all day; yet still find yourself feeling guilty that you’re not doing thus-and-so, or worried that this task will never get done if you don’t get a move on.
Slow living is about getting the revelation that everything that needs to get done, will get done by an appropriate time. It’s about enjoying each moment that passes, and realizing that there are more important things in life than checking off a to-do list.
It might even be about tossing your “bucket list” into an incinerator.
It’s about letting life unfold without you trying to over-control the results of that unfolding.
Slow living: the answer to postmenopausal fatigue and midlife burnout.
Slow living is your ultimate aim. It’s the best kind of rest for hormones gone crazy (or vacant) and crashing after a too-stressful life. And it’s the only way to help your nervous system maintain homeostasis as you move forward.
Care to share your struggles and solutions for getting more rest? Feel free to do so in the comments!
*And some women who try HRT find that the issues that low estrogen causes are equal to or easier to tolerate than the side effects of the medication. Talk to your healthcare provider about the pros and cons to see if it might be right for you.
