Looking for ideas for sensory-friendly social activities for autistic adults? Here are some that are low-demand and often interest-based and structured, as well.
The story.
The phone rang, and as usual when it rang, I picked it up with great reluctance. It was a landline, without caller I.D.
The caller was my friend, T. One of the most extroverted people on the planet. I knew her from the church fellowship I’d recently abandoned.
“My fiftieth birthday party is next Saturday, and I’d love for you to come!” she gushed in her Georgia accent. “Marshal will be there, and Linda W. and… “
She listed several other names of people from the worship community, completely oblivious to my growing discomfort. I hated large, loud parties. And at the time I would have rather walked barefoot over a bed of hot nails, then swum in an alligator-filled moat, than to have seen anyone else from my previous church fellowship.
There were bound to be questions, and I would either have to be uncomfortably silent or blurt out the truth.
Which would make everyone else uncomfortable.
Lying was not an option, as I’ve always been a terrible liar.
As politely as I could, hands shaking and heart pounding, I told her that I wouldn’t be able to be there.
I hung up the phone, wondering if that friend really knew me at all.
Low-stimulation socializing: an autistic adult’s best friend!
If you’re late-diagnosed like me, you probably have been tolerating social activities like eating out in restaurants or bowling. You may have even thought everyone else was simply tolerating the noise, bright lights, and crowds for the sake of being with friends!
If you’re reading this article not because you’re autistic, but because you have an autistic friend and are wondering about appropriate ways to get together with them, good for you! Thank you for your thoughtfulness.
Turns out, there are plenty of ways to connect with an autistic friend that are enjoyable for you and not overwhelming for them.
Let’s examine them by category.
Home-based or virtual socialization.
These social activities for autistic adults at home are ultimate low-demand. They minimize sensory exposure and travel stress, thereby offering the greatest comfort and control for the autistic person.
Co-working or “body doubling.”
Meet with a friend on a video call just to work on separate tasks in comfortable silence, or relative silence with occasional comments. The tasks might be housecleaning, hobbies, or anything in between.
Virtual game night.
Arrange to play an online game such as Minecraft or Stardew Valley. You might even play a collaborative puzzle game or chess. Because the communication is task-specific, it’s a way to bond without the autistic party feeling pressured.
Parallel play hobby session.
Two friends meet at home or online to work on their separate hobbies. It might be knitting, drawing, coding, writing. Conversation would be intermittent and brief.
Binge-watch with a buddy.
Agree to watch a movie or T.V. show together, either in-person or virtually using synchronized viewing apps. The focus is on the screen, not the person. For the autistic adult, this alleviates the pressure of having attention put upon them.
Dinner at home with a single friend.
This one is a bit higher demand, as conversation comes as a natural part of the activity. However, the company will be one trusted friend, and you’ll take up most of the time eating quietly. So, it’s not as uncomfortable as, say, being cajoled into eating out with co-workers and then being asked a hundred questions from all sides.
Sensory-friendly social activities in quiet public spaces.
There are plenty of autism-friendly public spaces if you look around and use some ingenuity. Following are a few ideas.
Library or bookstore meet-up.
Meet a friend to browse the stacks or read in a quiet corner. The primary purpose is the browsing and reading, while the social interaction is a peaceful side note.
Interestingly, long before my husband and I had a clue that we were neurodivergent, walking through a bookstore together was one of our favorite date activities. Who knew?
Structured craft or hobby class.
With a friend, join an adult education class to learn a new creative skill. The instructor provides the structure, and conversation is low-pressure because it revolves around the activity.
This was another thing my husband and I almost did after we got married. Alas, I got pregnant and felt too sick to go to the class.
Local museum or art gallery visit.
This depends on the individual. I can stand museums and art galleries for an hour before I feel like my head is about to explode. So figure out an appropriate time limit on such a visit.
The reason this social activity is sensory-friendly is that the noise level is low. Also, it’s easy enough to step outside for a breather if the visual stimuli gets to be too much.
The friends can limit conversation to comments about the art, if the autistic companion struggles with personal questions or mindless chatter.
Play tabletop games.
Two to four people meet at a quiet game café or someone’s home to play a cooperative or strategy board game. Because the rules and pieces provide clear boundaries for interaction, it feels socially safe while giving the activity solid structure.
And now, for the best quiet social spots for autistic adults…
Nature!
Outdoor activities in natural spots are perfect for low-stimulation socializing. Those of us with neurodivergent brains can find instant peace and calm simply by encountering a tree or a butterfly on a flower.
Here are a few ideas to try.
Quiet nature walk or hiking.
Walking side-by-side with a friend means you don’t have to maintain eye contact – or pretend to do so. The environment itself provides gentle conversational material, as well as positive and calming sensory input.
Gardening.
If you and a friend are so inclined, consider gardening together. It can be anything from a few pots on a balcony apartment to a community garden. The shared physical task helps you grow together, provides a sense of accomplishment, and offers a topic of conversation.
Adaptive or individual sport.
Swim, rock climb, or practice yoga together. If you’re both more athletic, you might enjoy tennis or racquetball. The primary focus here is on movement rather than verbal communication, making it a great idea for autism-friendly socializing.
Shared focus, not performance.
For us autistic adults, we prefer connection through shared focus, rather than through performance.
That said, keep in mind that every autistic individual is different. There are plenty of autistic adults – especially those of us with ADHD traits – who enjoy an occasional burst of stimulation. We might be willing to play beach volleyball, if we can leave the game whenever we want. Or go to a rock concert, as long as we have earplugs and the ability to ignore the close proximity of other people.
If you’re autistic yourself, be true to your sensory needs when your friends invite you to go out. If you have an autistic friend, share this blog post with them and ask what appeals.
And please feel free to tell us in the comments about your experience regarding autistic adults and social activities. We have a lot of longstanding stereotypes to knock down!
