Struggling with rigid schedules? Discover how to build a flexible daily rhythm that works with ADHD and menopause—routines without the rigidity.
My story with menopause and ADHD daily structure.
“4:30-6:00: Morning routine, stretches, Bible, laundry, make smoothie,” the top left hand side of the paper reads.
I’d decorated the piece of paper with a variety of colors, every other schedule block highlighted in yellow. I’d enjoyed copying out the times and activities and adding the color, plus a few whimsical designs. And when I’d finished, I was sure that I’d finally come up with a daily schedule I could follow.
“7:30-8:15: Walk, guitar, relaxing project.”
“9:30-9:55: Craft/housekeeping.”
It’s a beautiful schedule, allowing time for hobbies, rest, and writing. An outsider looking it over would be impressed with all I accomplish every day.
That is, all I would accomplish if I actually followed it.
The paper now sits underneath other papers on my desk, neglected and ignored. Just like every other daily schedule I’ve created.
Because what I’ve needed all along were ADHD schedule alternatives.
Why rigid schedules fail for women dealing with ADHD and menopause.
As a woman with AuDHD, I have a love-hate relationship with daily schedules. The autistic side of my brain takes comfort in seeing a predictable sequence of events. The ADHD side, however, takes it as a prison sentence. That’s even when, as with my latest schedule, the times and activities are very loosely strung together.
It doesn’t matter. The ADHD side can only see that I MUST do X activity in Y time frame.
That part of my brain despises “musts,” “shoulds,” and “have-to’s.” That’s even before we factor in my postmenopausal energy levels, adding another three layers of an “ick” response to my self-inflicted regimen of tasks.
Still, I manage to write between a thousand and two thousand words a day (I’m a fast writer, fyi), keep everyone fed, keep the house clean and tidy, and still feel like engaging in at least some of my hobbies seven days out of ten. Interested in gleaning the wisdom I’ve gained to do all of this? Hold on a second.
First, you might want to start with these five steps to simple daily routines.
Next, you might be wondering:
Routines vs. schedules for ADHD? Is there really any difference?
The answer is, yes. A routine is a regular course of procedure. Katie’s morning routine of showering, getting dressed, and eating breakfast is a procedure that she follows regularly. Jenn’s dinner routine of listening to a podcast while fixing dinner, eating dinner, then cleaning the kitchen is a procedure that she follows every evening.
A schedule, on the other hand, is a procedural plan that indicates the time and sequence of each activity within a certain time period. Danielle’s morning schedule includes a morning routine from 6-7, then yoga at 7, then leaving for work at 7:30, then checking her work emails at 8:15, and so on. Schedules can include routines, but they are often divided up more arbitrarily into a to-do list that happens in certain sequence.
That cleared up, allow me to share the three basic strategies I’ve incorporated into my life in order to experience a smooth daily flow as a postmenopausal woman with AuDHD.
Strategy 1: I follow routines, not rigidity.
When people think about a daily rhythm, they generally think along the lines of morning routines and personal hygiene routines. Those kinds of routines are a great place to start.
You probably have some already going in your life, and have noticed that they help you stay on track with whatever the routines are related to. That’s because routines are made up of habit stacking that you gradually build over time. That is, you get into the habit of doing one thing, then you eventually start doing something else right after that habitual action so that the two become one habit, and so on.
So, let me ask you a question. What if sixty to seventy percent of your day was built out of routines? Essentially, the things that matter to you would be habitual actions. And you’d still have plenty of wiggle room for spontaneity or goofing off – great news for us 45+ women with ADHD.
When your day consists more or less of a series of routines, then you can move through it smoothly because you’re in the habit of doing Y after you finish X. This is great for those of us who have hit our menopause years.
If you have to work, this is easier because most of your weekdays are spent doing whatever your employer wants you to do. There’s a lot less free time to turn into routines.
That said, there are still the weekends, your days off, and the day you retire. In addition, you might find that developing a few routines at work help you to stay focused and less stressed. Keep that in mind as you continue through this article.
Need a peek at what a day full of routines looks like? Here comes a sample.
My morning routines.
- My wake-up routine which includes personal hygiene, any necessary prep for my morning smoothie, stretching, and reading the Bible.
- My breakfast routine includes writing while I eat (it forces me to eat slowly and thereby avoid tummy discomfort).
- My after-breakfast routine includes singing, playing the keyboard, praying with my family, and taking a walk on summer days.
- If it’s a laundry day, washing, spin-drying, and rinsing the laundry occurs in between those other routines.
- My “second smoothie jar routine” is when I sit down and eat my second jar of smoothie. I usually write some more or edit previous writing.
- Then I have a mix-and-match routine. I do some housecleaning if necessary, spend some time outside if weather permits, and knock one or two things off my to-do list.
- Next is a mid-morning writing routine in which I write or edit some more.
- This all brings me up to about an hour and a half before I start prepping for lunch, my morning catch-up/relax routine. During this period, I engage in leisure activities and/or complete my to-do list as much as possible.
Filling a day with routines has helped me get the important things done in a timely manner. It’s similar to what I talk about in my post about habit adherence for helping you keep a tidy and clean home. (Read it for suggestions specific to maintaining a functional home with ADHD or an otherwise tired brain.)
But for the routines not to feel rigid or overly structured, the next strategy is crucial.
Strategy 2: I keep things flexible.
There are a handful of routines that I stick to like glue. This satisfies the autistic side of my brain. Everything else, however, is subject to change. If I’m feeling particularly sluggish, or the day is too beautiful to spend inside, or I realize I haven’t called my mother in a month, the remaining routines and their time periods might change.
Sometimes, I’m having a rare burst of energy and want to take advantage of it by doing some decluttering or extra writing. My hobbies take a backseat on such days.
Incorporating flexibility into my day leaves room for unexpected blips and joys, while still allowing me to stay on track with my productivity-leisure rhythm. In addition, since I live with two other people, the flexibility gives me time to meet their needs or answer their requests when they come up.
Strategy 3: I have a list of things I like to do or want to learn.
Thanks to menopause brain fog, many days I don’t want to have to think about what to do next. But because of how I’m wired, I don’t like sitting around all day watching videos or movies.
As someone with a distractible mind, I can find myself with free time and not have the slightest clue about what to do.
So I have a list of hobbies and things I’d like to work on. This ensures that, when I have the energy to do something I enjoy, I don’t let it slide because I’ve forgotten about it.
Creating your personalized daily rhythm…
I know, I know – if you’re dealing with both ADHD and menopause, you’d sooner free-fall off a cliff than have one more extra thing to do. But following this strategy will improve your daily flow, and is a great energy management strategy. So I encourage you to give it a try. ADHD without rigid schedules can nevertheless lead to an active and fulfilling life.
If you’re trying to follow a schedule right now, use that as a starting point. Study it to see where you can turn time blocks into habitual routines.
If you don’t have a written schedule, start by sorting out a morning and evening routine. Then list the general things you want or need to accomplish every day, and see which ones fit together. Make space for a couple of leisure times.
Start with a couple of routines the first week, then slowly add another routine every few days as the previous routines become more habitual.
Gradually, over the course of a month, you’ll feel like your life is coming together.
Like YOU are finally getting it together.
You’re welcome. 😉
Feel free to share your results, or any other tips that work for you regarding the daily flow, in the comments.
