Neurodivergent and stuck in a bad job? An autistic adult shares four powerful reasons why your “imperfect” job is providing the skills you need for success.
A snapshot of my life as an autistic elementary schoolteacher.
As usual, Miguel grabbed the iron railing and jumped over it a couple of times as he climbed up the four concrete steps to the school building. Juan, just behind him, did the same.
As usual, I said nothing. They were five years old and brimming over with energy. Better to get it out here than inside the classroom. Besides, their antics weren’t hurting anybody.
A strident voice from behind startled me. “Boys! Stop playing on the stairs,” it commanded in Spanish.
I cringed. It was Mrs. Gonzalez, a sixty-something veteran teacher who was as petite as she was strict with her students. I should have checked to see if anyone was behind me as we approached the building.
She didn’t say anything to me, but I could feel her glare boring into my back as the rest of my class filed through the door. I’d probably hear about it later.
I didn’t care. Children that young shouldn’t be imprisoned inside a room and forced to sit most of the day. And if that was the way it had to be, I was at least going to let them get some movement during transitional periods.
Neurotypical jobs and neurodivergent adults: a match made in hell?
Neurodivergent adults who enter the workplace react differently to job environments that overload their executive function and/or senses. Some leave it as soon as they enter it, quickly finding someone to support them or trying their hand at self-employment or starting a small business. Some push through the challenges and keep at it because they don’t know what else to do.
Others, late-diagnosed with autism or ADHD, realize the toll their job or career is taking on both their mental and physical health and take steps to move onto a new way of making a living that is a lot less stressful.
A way that won’t lead to autistic burnout.
Many, if not most, in the second two categories eventually come to believe that they wasted their lives working in the wrong career. I did, too, for over two years. But then I began to look back at my job as an elementary schoolteacher and see things differently.
I continue to believe that such a job is one of the most stressful for an introverted neurodivergent woman, and generally not a good fit. But I can now see a lot of good that came out of working at the job.
If you’re dealing with frustrated with the neurotypical job environment that you find yourself in at the moment, you might first check out my post containing ideas for neurodivergent women who feel stuck in the wrong job. Then, come back and read this article to the end. Whether you’re dealing with ADHD job struggles or the sensory challenges typical of autistic adults at work, I think you’ll find some much-needed encouragement as I guide you in shifting your perspective regarding your workplace.
An important disclaimer.
First, I need to make a disclaimer: you shouldn’t have to put up with harassment or abuse.* And if your job environment is stressful to the extent that you regularly have meltdowns or shutdowns, or that it causes you emotional distress to the point that your quality of life drops outside the workplace, your best option is to find another means of making a living.
That said, if you tolerate your job or you can’t find a better one at the moment, consider the following four reasons that maybe – just maybe – you’re imperfect job or career is exactly what you need at this moment.
Reason #1: Building skills for your neurodivergent future.
Every day you go to work, you’re either developing a new skill set, or improving that skill set. You’re learning more about people, more about the type of business you’re working in, what to do and what not to do in common situations that come up on your job.
What if your frustrating job is teaching you exactly what you need in order to get the next, much less stressful yet better-paying job? Or if you’re gaining the confidence you need to start your own business? For some neurodivergent adults, that’s the pinnacle of neurodivergent “employment.”
Perhaps you’re learning the ropes of a particular trade so that you can one day become self-employed in the same industry. Or that you’re learning to communicate more effectively, a skill that will one day save your marriage.
For a couple of examples…
My first job, in high school, was waiting tables in a local family restaurant. Though that seems to be a terrible fit for an introverted autistic girl, it was exactly the job I needed to learn, number one, to stop being afraid of people; and number two, to be friendly to strangers.
I also learned how to interact successfully with an employer.
When I began teaching, the only experience I’d had with children was the second-grade class that I’d student taught for one lousy semester. I’d never babysat, had never wanted to babysit, and my waitressing jobs provided no relevant preparation. At the time, I was determined never to marry or have children.
Little did I know that my life would take the opposite path that I thought it would. And when my son came along and grew out of babyhood, I understood the importance of discipline and knew how to do it kindly but firmly. I’d learned that children develop at their own pace, which was helpful when he turned out to be a late bloomer.
I’d also learned that schools are by and large unhealthy institutions. Fortunately, my husband had no disagreement with my stance, so our son never had to deal with the stress of school.
That brings me to the second reason for a neurodivergent adult to stay in an imperfect job without workplace accommodations…
Reason #2: Developing stress management as a neurodivergent adult.
Listen. I know we all have different thresholds when it comes to stress. But trying to avoid it altogether just because you’re highly sensitive isn’t going to make life better. In fact, you can miss out on a lot by trying to avoid any negative stress. Things like:
- friendships,
- learning opportunities,
- the pleasure and satisfaction of completing a difficult project,
- better job or career opportunities,
- building resilience, and
- developing more empathy and compassion, even if only on an intellectual level.
The fact is, you can’t run away from all stress. And working in a job for even a short time that causes you a light to moderate amount of stress helps you learn to deal with stress in other areas of life.
I have a particular affinity with the next reason for a neurodivergent adult to stick to an imperfect job…
Reason #3: Your neurodivergent skills and perspectives matter at work.
Cynical people like to say that every employee is dispensable. In one manner of speaking, they’re right. Someone else can always do the job you’re doing now.
But they won’t have your character, your life experience, your wisdom, your compassion. It may be that:
- the company you’re working for right now needs exactly what you have as far as knowledge, skills, and problem-solving abilities. Or,
- a colleague or co-worker is struggling with something, and you’re the only person there who can help them through the challenge.
I began this article sharing how I allowed my students more leeway than other teachers in “getting their wiggles out” when we were outside. Even though back then, I thought autism was Dustin Hoffman’s character in the movie Rainman and that ADHD was a made-up label for little boys who acted, well, like little boys, I felt sympathy for my students who had trouble sitting still or were “painfully shy.”
My neurodivergent students: an exercise in empathy.
One year, I had a boy who seemed to have no control over his arms. He was the tallest in the class, and gangly, and forever accidentally smacking somebody when I called the class to line up. Other teachers would have punished him for that. I calmly reminded him to apologize whomever he’d hit and to watch himself when he was standing close to other children.
He was probably the sweetest child I’d ever met, and one of the most intelligent in my class that year (he went on to become a champion on the chess team in third grade).
Another year I had a boy who absolutely could not sit still for circle time. I prayed fervently once he went to first grade that he wouldn’t be put on Ritalin. In my class, I allowed him to pace back and forth behind the seated group of children. He never disrupted me or anyone else.
He was also one of my smartest and most respectful students that year.
Though I could give more examples, I’ll stop there. Without ever having heard the word “neurodivergent” or “neurodiverse,” I recognized my students who were different somehow and accommodated them the best I could.
Other teachers would have railed on them, told their parents about their “misbehavior,” and probably ended up referring them for psychological testing.**
Though I didn’t like my job, I was there when those small children needed me.
And you might be on your job right now in order to help somebody else. Which might be well worth dealing with occasional sensory overload in your workplace, and the extra energy spent workplace masking.
At least for a little while.
Reason #4: Learning to let go of the need for control.
As neurodivergent adults living in a neurotypical world, we naturally fantasize about an ideal life where people mostly leave us alone until we wish otherwise; it’s quiet; and everyone around us is calm and happy.
And we get frustrated because we can’t control most of the stressors on our jobs. Frustrated that we can’t find a nicer job.
Perhaps, if for no other reason, you’re in that frustrating job in order to learn to let go.
To release the things you can’t control.
Which happens to be most of life, whether you’re on your job or not.
When you let go, you stop resenting. You stop getting irritable at every little problem. You stop being fearful of… everything. You stop thinking those problems are everyone else’s fault.
And then… you start thinking, speaking, and behaving more positively. You start taking ownership of that which you can control. Your perspective of other people becomes kinder and more understanding. You start to relax, have more fun, and find humor in life’s trials.
Perhaps in the letting go, you find that the job isn’t so bad, after all. Or perhaps in the letting go, you give space for something better to come along.
Autism, ADHD, and neurotypical jobs: an opportunity for personal growth.
Humans cannot grow without going through hard times. They can’t grow if everything they want is handed to them on a silver platter.
Regardless of their brain type.
Yes, try to get what accommodations you need so your nervous system doesn’t get overloaded at work. Yes, put feelers out for a job that fits you better.
Meantime, stop telling yourself that you’re wasting your life, that your job only serves to tear you down. In most cases, that’s not true.
In most cases, it’s quite the opposite.
Is any of this resonating with you? If so, please share in the comments!
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*As young people today seem to have perverted the meaning of “abuse,” I feel the need to describe it here. Abuse is NOT light teasing or someone calling you out for doing the wrong thing. It’s not the lights being too bright, or the boss calling more meetings than you like. Abuse is when someone is actually hurting you, either physically or emotionally. Examples of the latter include someone regularly making fun of you or putting you down, someone who threatens you, or someone who regularly says things to deliberately mislead you (as in gaslighting).
**I’m not against psychological testing per se. But in the school system, it’s overused to the point of causing psychological and emotional harm to children who just need a little extra support while they grow and mature.
